What a Lovely Life

"hello there," she said. i asked her if she had received my letter yet. she said that she hadn't. "it may come soon," she said. "our mail is rather useless."
hmm .. i'd only sent it at the end of the last week, anyway.

there was silence for a moment. "so how has life been?" she asked.

i started to respond with the usual, "alright," before i stopped myself. it has been commented that my general reply to such questions is usually "alright," "okay," or "fine" (this applies to the "how are you?" question, as well). i just get in a habit of saying these things because i guess i have an aversion to elaboration. besides, nobody wants to hear me brag more about how good things are currently going for me.

..not that i really have been; in truth i've told hardly anyone. but that's not uncommon for major events in my life; i generally keep them to myself until pressed to reveal details. on this particular day, however, some kind of gear in my brain started turning slowly and it caused me to give an answer that hadn't been cut out of the usual mold. my eyebrows lowered for a moment before i replied, "really good, actually," and smiled.

"really?" she asked. "what's been going on?" i giggled. i was a bit embarrassed, after all.

"i'm in love."

she smiled, and said she could tell. i didn't know how she could tell, aside from my obvious good mood. "that's so wonderful," she said.

i didn't quite know what to say next. i just sort of blurted out the next few sentences. "it's exciting.. a little scary, perhaps." and that was true. it was.. well, it is.. a little scary.

"it's very scary," she agreed. "when i first got into the relationship that i'm in now, i didn't know how to really deal with all of it. it was almost like i was waiting for the moment where he would ask himself what the hell he was doing with me." it was like my story to a tee. i'd only recently started to get over that feeling. "i think that's a usual reaction to losing control of your emotions.. someone having those same emotions about you can be hard to comprehend."

but that's when you know it's real, i hypothesized - when you're worried and you allow yourself to stand at the edge of the diving board and take that chance. falling in love with someone, i've discovered, is like having a head rush and then gracelessly falling into the water while you're trying to impress the other person with a triumphant cannonball splash.

"the expression 'falling in love' states it exactly." it is all about the "falling," she said.

"you know, it sounds pathetic," i said through a grin of acknowledgement, "but that never really occurred to me until just now."

hello there

it's very scary

falling

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